- When someone LOLs. Are they really LOLing, or are they sitting in the dark, staring at my statement in disgust?
- When I yell at a PR dude, and he emails back with an undeservedly-friendly two-sentence response and a smiley face. I am suspicious of smileys.
- When I send someone a link and they don't respond for two minutes, then they give me a generic but satisfying "OMFG" or "LOL." Did you really click on that link, or did you fake me out with an elongated pause? (For this reason, I give tests. "Think fast: lines in the chorus! Color of main character's face! Tagline!")
- The state dude was in when he embedded yet another College Humor video in my MySpace comment box. Was he laughing at the time, or did he do it with a furrowed brow, the picture of concentration his teachers were never able to see?
- The empty space before iChat video loads. I want to see that vulnerable moment when people are picking at their noses and fussing with their hair.
- When somebody leaves a long, thoughtful comment with no typos. Show me the TextEdit version, because you know there was one.
"Great perspective, Carol. I only wish I had a rebuttal! :-)" Elapsed time: 26 minutes.