Angela Natividad's Live & Uncensored!

01 May 2008

Natural Born Killers

My landlord has this theory about men and women. It follows thus:

Men who obsessively code, and do so in lieu of playing sports, are trying to satisfy a testosterone-driven need to prove themselves the Alpha in their peer groups. "It's like, 'Look what I've accomplished!'" he explained.

And to satisfy some deep inner urge to hunt and kill, women go shopping.

"Shopping?" I was skeptical.

"You mean to say you don't think shopping is a form of hunting?"

There was an elongated, awkward pause between us. I tried to visualize Red Tag Day at Nordstrom.

"Angela. I've seen PUPILS SHRINK in little old ladies." His voice was getting shrill.

"So what you're saying is, we feel a primal need to hunt ... so most of us go shopping?"


I like the idea of having a carnal hunt-and-kill streak. I considered other scenarios in which I may be said to manifest a desire to tear the legs off a jackal with my jaws.

"Okay," I said.

To illustrate this post I tried scoring an image of a predator killing a gazelle in mid-flight. But all I could find was this neat shot of a tiger playing with piglets. It was too good to pass up. Here you go:


Anonymous said...

And if by 'shopping' he meant 'sex', he would've been a teensy bit closer to the truth, I rather think. Hmm.

But thanks again for the tiger/piglets. Brightens my damn day so much.

Angela Natividad said...

We aren't on the Talk About Sex level yet. But I'm sure it'll happen soon. He's already confessed to loving tassels! It was cute.

Candace said...

Women are gatherers. Shopping is more a form of gathering than hunting, I'd argue.

Anonymous said...

Wait a sec. Tassels?

Anonymous said...

Oh, we're talking about sex with _tassels_?

Am I homo enough for this convo? I think I am but... how do you make love to or with a tassel?

Angela Natividad said...

You don't, man. You witness tassel action from afar, typically on the nipples of a Turkish dancer, and experience visceral stimulation.

To be fair, I'm taking this whole tassel thing way out of context. When he told me he loved tassels, he was referring to the ones on a Turkish tablecloth he brought me from his family vacation. But come on! When somebody tells you they love tassels, your brain just goes there.