More on Networking

A friend recently made a comment about what a dream it would be to get coddled, wined and dined on a company's tab. "It's not even work!" she snorted.

This topic gets a little touchy for me as people my age often make this generalization about the relationship management component of what I do, either in jest or in the spirit of deprecation.

Let me set the record straight.

It takes serious savvy to learn how to manage conversation's ebbs, flows and silences with people you hope to build meaningful relationships with - people you don't simply choose as friends.

That's the critical difference - these people aren't often friends you elected to make. You get together knowing full well you are meeting for a specific reason that has little to do, though perhaps this should change, with how much you like each other. In a few hours' time it is your dear goal to create a bond as intimate and trusting as an old boys' club, careful to keep silences warm and comfortable because if they veer into awkwardness then the liaison is dead.

Meanwhile you make the right jokes and say things that make you seem amply curious but not too pushy, ethical but not too uptight, witty but not scathing, playful and strong-willed all at once or depending, so people feel value not just in knowing you but in standing on your integrity as a ball-player. Finally, and this is going the extra mile, you have to create a setting so intimate they'll divulge critical details you couldn't otherwise learn from the outside.

It's fine work that takes a steady hand. I wrote an article called Ground Rules on Being a Team Player that elaborates on similar delicacies in an office environment.

Dealing with people gracefully and productively takes a demonstrated willingness to learn about them and stand your own ground. Some people, generally the ones most exposed to this type of relationship management work, grow fond of saying all the right things without investing a sense of sincerity in them. It is hard to trust these people with your ideas and your money.

It's easy to blow expense funds drinking with bullshit people, and it's easy to be a bullshit networker who brings nothing sincere to the table. Here's my more elaborated take on real networking. Obviously there's no clear science, because people are mutable and as many parts emotional as rational. But being sincere, warm and tough are running themes in my experiences.

Oh yeah, and the ability to not pick up the goddamn phone during an engagement. I can't think of anything more alienating than getting shut out all of a sudden by a douche who sticks a finger in my face and says "Hold that thought, I have to take this."

You're the face of your company, for crying out loud. Is that how you treat your customers too?

Blogtag: 5 Coveted Secrets

Lea Salonga as Kim in Miss Saigon

Looks like I caught a bug. David Dahlquist and Tony Chung over at Geek What just tagged me in a game of secret divulsion. Once tagged, the person must write 5 things about him/herself that others may not know. Here are all the goodies you can convict me for later:

1. I walk on tiptoe, even barefoot.

2. I was and remain a Spice Girls fan. I thought it was over for me once they disbanded, but I watched a throwback documentary a couple of years ago and got teary-eyed.

3. In my childhood I performed classic Philippine courting songs like "Dahil Sa Yo" and dances like the tinikling for social gatherings. I hoped to one day be a star of Lea Salonga caliber and often practiced her Miss Saigon parts in preparation for my broadway debut.

4. I once told an ex-boyfriend I slanged in high school as part of an elaborate plan to get him to date me. I broke the truth about two in a half years into our relationship.

5. I knew for sure I was married to marketing when I saw Levi's "Lola" ad, the sex-infused spot with the girl who paints the jeans of her notches and hangs them in a gallery. I was hooked forever. If I could find it I'd probably have a braingasm.

The 5 bloggers I’m tagging:

• Ariel, Shake Well Before Use
• Bill, Make the Logo Bigger
  
• Jimmy, Tight Sainthood
• Mike, Retrospect for Life
• Jesse, Fresh Fodder

I hereby exempt any and all who've been tagged in the last 6 months. Otherwise I think you've garnered up some juice by now. =)

Cheers and a happy new year to one and all.

Surface Elements

Tony Chung over at Geek What tagged me with one of those spill-five-secrets virals. It doesn't strike me that I have many secrets but in any case I'm going to try throwing some together. While I work on it though, I'm going to distract you with this:I just had to. Because yeah, I dig a good production wrapped up nice.

Moog Plugs Into Sizzles, Pops and Growls

Moog promotes its synthesizers and other sound products with neat ads that demonstrate a sound quality so real you might actually expect to see an amp wire trailing out of that mean-ass neighborhood dog's jaw. Text reads "Moog synths & effects: Any sound is possible."

Courtesy of VLAN! who has other variations.

For me the ads illustrate an ever-blurrying line between the real and the fantastic, just as we see consumers invading advertisers' Olympus, and just as we watch those confined to the information-strained Mount having to walk earth again, remembering what it is to be on the ground floor. That might be reading too much into it as what I've just described is a theme I see constantly. In any case, props to Moog.

Make That Valuable Connection Today

Courtesy of the too-lucid Hugh.

A 'Harsh Letter' to My Post-Collegiate Peers

In high school I had this one friend. If she ever felt my behaviour or thought process needed intervention, she'd look at me and softly but firmly say, "I'm going to write you a harsh letter." And she would, outlining carefully what she perceived to be my error and how, perhaps, I could correct it. She always concluded with a reminder of how awesome I am as a person in general, like a peppermint at the end of a meal.

Her harsh letters served as handy yardsticks for me. It is always good to get constructive criticism on how you're faring from somebody on the outside, particularly when you'd rather just complain about your sad lot in life and be sympathized-with.

In her honor, this is my take on the harsh letter. It is written, gently but firmly, for my peers.

Yesterday someone sent me an article about how college graduates have a hard time finding the kind of work they want in this economic climate. They're also strapped in mountainous debt and consequently moving back in with their parents. This article pretty much tells the same story.

Say hello to our generation: the self-entitled, the bewildered, the indebted. It comes as a major surprise for some that those diplomas might not have been worth all the blood, sweat and tears. Oh yeah, and money.

Here's my perspective. If you go to college and study aborigine art, then for some odd reason try to land a financial consulting job, you're not going to get jack unless you have work experience in that field or can demonstrate on the fly that you've got savvy in that arena. I don't know how else you expect to go about it in a rational world.

The old adage about how college is about studying what you want really only works in two scenarios:

• If you're willing to study what you want, which could be totally left of center, with the raw understanding that getting great work isn't about your degree; it's about selling yourself. That's tough and it requires some thought and skill-set development
  
• If what you want to study happens to be in line with what you're actually going to get work in. Judging from the stories coming out of the woodwork, apparently this is harder than it sounds
  

Serious about committing yourself to a profession? Plan your curriculum and start easing the door open before finishing school. Nail an internship. Get to know people on the inside. I don't buy it when people say they can't study and work at the same time. I did it and while I wasn't a fantastic student I still got what I needed out of college.

If you go into sociology, for example, and would like to write a book on social welfare or the effects of culture on society, that's fantastic. But don't come out of the educational incubator wondering why social welfare opps at $65K a pop aren't falling out of the sky back home in suburbia. Take that waitressing job, volunteer at a non-profit (YES! For FREE) and go write your book. There's no shame in that.

Ayn Rand said it best when she noted that wanting something doesn't automatically entitle you. Show the world how much you deserve your heart's desire. Show the world you're willing to do it just to do it, like breathing. Then the money comes.

Just my $0.02. Take it "until your $#i+ starts to make cents" as Jay-Z would say. And yeah, lit-lovers, that's a pun. (English minor over here. Can you tell?)

When all is said and done, we as people change and so do our interests. It's not like we're married to whatever we choose to do right after college. But try to prepare for at least that first gig.

If you've already graduated, be practical and think systematically about how to get where you want to go from here. You can't demand a powerful, high-paying dream gig for no other reason besides an unmanifested belief that you "earned" it over four years bent over books.

This concludes my harsh letter. And because I'm kind, and because you're awesome, here's a bit of optimistic news - just for you.