Baby Food on Amazon. Act Now and Save!

There are a lot of things in this email blast I could nip at, from the apathetically anonymous "Dear Amazon.com Customer" to the misguided guess at my dietary preferences.

But if the million-dollar Amazon algorithm, to which I've been feeding my personal preferences for years, claims I've demonstrated "an interest in baby food," then who am I to argue? I suppose I should just be pleased that, when a weebie finally does slip down the hatch, I'll never have to worry about whether my app for WIC gets approved.

Dealbreaker.

Thanks, Real Simple, for reminding me yet again how complicated modern womanhood can be.

In a Word? No.

Via email this morning:

Angela,

Sounds like you’ve got your hands full re: lawsuit & recent relocation; but if you’ve got the time, I thought you might be interested in a pre-briefing on an upcoming product launch.

Low-Hanging Beef

Dear Editor/Reporter/Producer:

Please click on the link below to take a very brief survey (less than 5 minutes) to help us to educate public relations practitioners and allied professionals about how to work effectively with you; the media.

No. But here are a couple of bones:

• Use my name. Or do that nifty direct mail auto-replace thing with Word. (You have Word, right?) Nobody needs to know how wide -- how very, very wide -- you cast your eager net.


• Master the (subtle) difference between a colon and a semicolon.

God help those public relations practitioners and allied professionals. Full letter here.

Chain Letters: Social Media by Early Man

Today I got a chain letter from someone I haven't spoken to in years. It was so deliciously retro.

It also presented an opportunity to explore how, with high-speed convenience, we started replacing face time with dancing GIFs, colorful platitudes and cause-related CTAs.

This particular email did a spam-tacular job of demonstrating: 1) my childhood chum continues to think highly of me, and 2) she has an earnest, deeply meaningful desire to save people from cancer. All that, and we didn't even have to dodder about the weather!

Subject line: "Pink Ant."

Hello, Pretty Lady!

You have been hit.
You have been considered one of the 10 prettiest ladies with a kind, warm and loving heart. Once you have been hit, you have to hit 10 pretty ladies with kind, warm and loving hearts. If you get hit again you know you're really pretty and kind. If you fail to forward this, you'll have ugliness for 10 years. So hit 10 pretty ladies to let them know they are pretty -- both on the
inside and the outside - and that they are loved and cared for.

SEND THIS TO PRETTY LADIES, TO BRIGHTEN THEIR DAY, INCLUDING THE ONE WHO SENT IT TO YOU! REMIND LADIES TO BE INFORMED, AWARE AND BE CHECKED FOR THEIR HEALTH'S SAKE. TELL THEM THAT NO ONE WANTS TO LOSE THEM -
All you are asked to do is keep this circulating (even if to one person).

In memory of anyone you know that has been struck by cancer.

That rhinestone effect really gives it somethin' extra.

What the Hell is This?

Straight out of my inbox:


Somebody in PR put my figurative finger on Tori Spelling's pulse. And frankly, I'd like to have my hand back, please.