Angela's Industry Predictions for '08

At one of the publications I write for, the staff put together a list of industry predictions for 2008.

This was my list. If I am lucky and the rest of the team is as unhinged as I am, some of my forecasts will be published in a consolidated list.

Here goes:

1. Microsoft offers VMware unparalleled success and lack of competition in the virtualization front, in exchange for its soul.
   
   VMware accepts. In February it unexpectedly releases a hypervisor called Metatron that empowers remote collaboration (including intercourse, as well as gardening) among cogs across sectors. It is available for a weekly subscription of $2500. All bow down -- and finally trash their white iPod earbuds, just for the hell of it.
   
   
2. The rationale behind all of Six Apart's problems is revealed: it is run by Al Gore, who is using its financing as a front to fund his various inconvenient truths.
   
   
3. Moleskine is purchased by Google, which uses its notebook technology as a platform for a new line of tablets that auto-populate syndicated content -- including email, calendars and blogs of choice -- in a quaint "moving paper" format. In Q3 of 2008, it will open to third-party developers.
   
   
4. Steve Jobs begins sporting a white robe and tasteless Nikes. 2/3 of the world population follows suit. Around April, 1/3 of the latter will follow him into the mouth of a mountain and wait for the aliens. They will wait six weeks before a group of them go, "Screw this!" and go back down, bringing with them stories of Dionysic delights and animal sacrifices -- all to the sound of individual soundtracks.
   
   
5. EU approves the Google/Doubleclick merger. The universe folds in on itself, a little like a teenager curling up into the fetal position, and we all die.

Happy holidays!