Oh-Ho! McD's Can Be Funny.

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Via.

Ladies, This is What We Fought For.

Viiiaaaaaaa This is Swordfish.

...is that anything like a Royale with Cheese?

There aren't many ways you can bring hot throbbing sex appeal to an assembly line hamburger, but McDonald's tries hard with Le M, a moan-infused food porn piece for the French market.

The money line: "Le M, sans doute c'est la plus belle création de la McDonalds." ("Le M, undoubtedly McDonalds' most beautiful creation.")

But wait for the plug for Le M Bacon -- when zoomed-in shots of lavish, languid bacon slices appear on three sides of this sin-tillating beef patty! Hissss.

For the track junkies, AdVerve partner in crime Bill Green obliges with info on the music: Flying Lotus' Camel (Nosaj Thing Remix).

Jack Debunks Myths About McDonald's Japan.

I think the only time I ever used sign language was to sign "Climb Every Mountain" on Parent Night in fifth-grade. So I have no idea what this guy is saying.

But even when there's no hope of communicative cohesion, you still find yourself leaning in, trying to isolate the data being conveyed, with your eyes -- and, to some extent, your ears.

When the video ended I was left teetering over the brink of understanding, stretched so far outside myself that it took a few minutes of quiet to reel me back into the present. Kind of amazing where we can go, without going much of anywhere.

To Face McDonald's, Starbucks Gets Gritty

To edge gourmet caffeine peddlers off the dance floor, McDonald's goes highbrow.

So Starbucks goes low?! (And don't even get me started on the fucking doughnuts.)

I'm sorry, but into what warped universe have we stumbled?

This is almost as bad as that one time Wal-Mart alienated all its thrifty little shoppers and took out ads in Vogue for, like, two months so it could compete with that other big-box. And we were like, "Uh, Wal-Mart, you know Target worked over a decade to earn the upper middle-class vote, right?"

You don't win people back by wooing the other guy's customers. It's trashy and no one respects you more for it. (Ask Dunkin'.)

When you waste all your time reacting to competitors instead of improving life for your obviously disgruntled demographic, you are playing very bad brand chess. And yeah, I just said "brand chess."