Under a table

While procrastinating on things of importance over here, I will tell you a story that I've been turning over in my mind for a few hours.

For a short time, long ago, I was well-known in advertising. This led to lots of genuine friendships, but also weird parasocial interactions. Two years into my arrival in Paris, I attended a French ad conference and encountered an international slew of other middlingly-famous media people.

They were pleased to see me and very gregarious. They were also very loud, and wanted to be together all the time; we kept running into each other and then they'd just follow me wherever I was going if I didn't want to follow them.

This was overwhelming. At some point, while safely alone, I tried to find a place to hide. I entered the newsroom—to be sure, they'd find me there in seconds. It was the most obvious spot. But then I saw it: Against the far wall was a long table draped in white cloth, upon which rested the coffee maker.

I walked casually to the long table. I slid underneath the tablecloth and pressed myself against the wall. Then I unplugged the coffee maker—this was wrong, I know—plugged in my computer and prepared to live there for the rest of my life.

Inevitably, eventually, I heard someone overhead try using the coffee maker. I held my breath. Then the tablecloth flew up and a neatly dressed waiter appeared. His face seemed huge, like the sun suddenly shining right in my eyes.

"Je suis désolée," I whispered in faltering French. "I unplugged it. I just wanted to be alone."

He studied me. And finally he replied, "It's okay. It's just a coffee maker." Then he delicately lowered the tablecloth, as though tucking in a sleeping baby, and disappeared.

I think about this a lot. It was such a weird moment, and so unexpectedly kind. It was a grace entirely disproportionate to what the situation merited. (People need coffee. Ensuring the coffee was his job.)

I wish him so much joy in life.

As addendum and rightful punishment, somebody obviously noticed what happened and came to see who was under the table. It was another famous media person. Delighted, and before I could speak, she texted everyone else: "We're building a fort, guys!" 

Moments later, I was stuck under there with five other people. They were very loud and very pleased. Everything was ruined, but I was also a little bit happy.