Angela Natividad's Live & Uncensored!

29 April 2012

Facing facts about Nutella.

Yes, it’s delicious, but some folks need to stop dancing around the fact that we’re eating chocolate sandwiches. I’m a grown woman, I know when I’m eating a chocolate sandwich. I accepted that as soon as I licked my finger and went “goddamn that’s delicious, find me something edible I can spoon this shit onto before I just start scooping it out with my hands!” I’m good with it. 
What I’m not good with are these yuppies who are trying to pretend that that’s not what’s going on. What happened is, they got a spoonful of it in their mouth for the first time and all of a sudden shit was way too real. They lost their goddamn minds and couldn’t come to terms with their circumstances. 
“You dunno what you’re talking about! Its hazelnut spread- with cocoa! It’s got a subtle chocolate flavor, that’s why I like it!”
Okay, motherfucker, really…that’s what you’re bringing to my doorstep? Whatever you have to tell yourself. I know and YOU know that you’re spreading icing on a biscuit. Let’s stop bullshittin like we’re not buying a jar of chocolate and get serious.
I thought this was awesome in light of recent news that Ferrero USA plans to reimburse any Californian who bought a jar of Nutella between August 2009 and January 2012, up to roughly $4 per person and $3.05 million in total. (Get your bids in quick, wounded yuppies!)

This is to quell outrage that Nutella is, in fact, pretty fucking fattening, which was discovered by a mother, hoodwinked by Nutella's positioning as part of a healthy breakfast. The discovery of that traumatised genius -- namely, that Nutella is fattening -- led to a class action lawsuit.

Progrès à l'américain. If you can't be held responsible for what you push down your digestive tract (or those of your spawn), put heat on the company. That way, you can eat banana chocolate sandwiches and be reimbursed. Beats reading the label!

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